Why Do Couples Elope? Choosing Elopements over Traditional Weddings
In this blog post:
Deciding To Elope and Finding Your Why
Is Eloping For Me?
7 Real Reasons Why Couples Elope
I Want to Elope, My Partner Isn’t Too Sure
Deciding to Elope and Finding Your Why
Deciding to elope in an intimate manner over hosting the big wedding can be confusing for you if you don’t have a clear idea of why you want to elope.
You don’t owe anyone any explanations, but when your loved ones start asking, you might start second-guessing your vision and wondering if you’re doing the ‘right’ thing.
As an introspective person, I always find comfort in finding a personal and concrete reason for choosing to do one thing or another. Having that really helps center me and keeps me focused on my end goal.
So in your case, having your personal reason for eloping will not only help you get others to understand (or at least respect) your decision but also will guide you into the kind of day you really want.
Finding Your Why
For decades, the norm has been to have the big, traditional wedding. Especially if all of your married family members and friends had one, you might think you need one too.
But is that a rule or just societal expectation?
You’ve really thought about it and came to the conclusion that the big celebration is just not your thing. Neither of you want it, don’t want to plan it; it just doesn’t resonate with you.
That makes sense.
Traditional weddings are famously known for putting a lot of stress on couples for various reasons and instead of looking forward to a fun day (and remembering it that way), they burn out trying to fulfil their expectations AND those that unfairly come from family and friends too.
There's nothing more detrimental than realizing you can’t please everyone and you don’t know what to do anymore. And that’s not what you want.
So if you and your partner have now chosen to elope, or have always known that’s what you wanted, chat together to figure out why that is and how you can ensure you continue to honor your reason throughout planning.
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Is Eloping for Everyone?
Nope. Eloping is not for everyone.
Eloping is for the couples who value certain things like simplicity, doing exactly what they want (not what others might find fun), and even saving their big wedding money for a big vacation or a mortgage instead!
But if you ask me if you should consider eloping, I’ll always say ‘yes, why not?!’. Your marriage day is a huge deal and you have the authority to do something personal and that you truly enjoy!
You’ll also come to find out that couples elope for many more reasons other than simplicity and ease.
Some couples do it for budget reasons (it’s cheaper or they prefer expensive adventures instead of venues) while others do it because it takes away the stress of having to “put on a show”.
There really are almost no wrong reasons for choosing to elope.
But whatever your reason is, it’s important that you know your why and to 100% believe it’s the best thing for you.
Having a clear answer to your why will guide you towards planning a day you’ll truly love. It will also gradually reduce feelings of worry and doubts. It will reduce any slight feelings of regret for choosing a different way to marry.
Reasons Why Couples Elope
Eloping appeals to couples for reasons like getting the intimate and private experience, as well as, having the flexibility to pick any location, time, or vendors that reflect their preferences.
It’s a personalized and unique way to celebrate their love so they prioritize it over all aspects of traditional wedding conventions.
In an ideal world, all their friends and family would be thrilled about their own choice to elope, right? But the sad truth is that it can be challenging to share this decision with them when societal expectations often come into play.
If you’ve been there, you know the struggle of feeling pressure to justify your desire to elope; sometimes you may even start to second-guess yourself if you’re making the “right” choice!
But here is the thing: The right choice is what YOU make it be.
It’s about honoring your own desire, values, and vision for your special day. If you’re having trouble nailing down your specific reason, here are 7 reasons why couples elope that you can use as inspiration:
Eloping is less stress due to easier planning and less points of conflict.
You’ve heard it before: one guest who’s too drunk, another who’s mad at the couple, and a third one who showed up who is a complete stranger. On top of it, the timeline is running super late and the rest of the guests and vendors are getting frustrated.
Hosting a big event with a large group of people IS stressful (and sometimes frustrating).
Even when couples hire a planner or a day-of-coordinator, they just can’t fully relax and enjoy the day because they'll be dealing with one of the situations above, or be asked questions that deal with multiple logistics.
Couples who don’t find this appealing, simply choose to elope so that they are less stressed.
Eloping allows you to treat yourself and turn ‘host’ mode OFF.
Since the couple is the one inviting guests, the guests will look at them as hosts. There's unfortunately an unspoken expectation for them to cater to everyone!
But their wedding day should be to celebrate the couple themselves, and if they plan it, they should enjoy it hassle-free.
Couples who don’t want to be burdened by meeting everyone’s expectations, choose to elope.
When eloping, there’s no need for couples to be pulled in different directions while making sure everyone is happy and entertained. So, they’ll have all the time they need to fully take in the day uninterrupted!
Eloping is about planning around your ‘wants’, not your ‘needs’
A couple planning a traditional wedding typically needs to spend money on a venue, catering, and entertainment for their guests.
In contrast, a couple who elopes, whether alone or with a small group, may prefer to invest in meaningful experiences they want instead. Since they aren't tied to the usual wedding expenses, they have more flexibility in how they allocate their budget.
Because of this, elopements often cost less than traditional weddings, though that isn’t always the case, it all just depends on what matters most to the couple.
Eloping gives them the freedom to decide what to splurge on and what to skip entirely.
Eloping requires an intentional guest list so inviting people out of obligation is out the window.
“I had to add +1 for everyone because they asked”, “My parents/family are inviting them because...” , “My cousin is mad because I didn’t want to invite their friend...”
Inviting guests out of obligation is awkward. Period. But not inviting them also creates tension with the guests that were expecting you to do it.
You either feel guilty or they make you feel like that which means there’s no scenario where you get to choose and have what you want.
It’s possible to invite guests to an elopement but because the intention is to keep it as private as possible, couples have the opportunity to be more selective and have the final say on who is invited.
Elopements are easier and more fun to plan because it’s done for the couple, and by the couple.
Whether you love planning or not, let’s face it: A big party takes tons of time, effort, and willingness to put together.
For weddings, it can quickly reach a point where one partner ends up taking on all the planning responsibilities, because the other is stressed. They end up going with the flow or staying out of it altogether. Planning becomes one-sided.
So couples who crave mutual involvement for they day, they choose to elope!
It will take less time and effort, and they can tackle it in bite-sized chunks while enjoying their morning coffee or tea.
It's a relatively easy and delightful way to put together their special day, ensuring that both partners have a say and can enjoy the process together.
Elopements are smaller and simpler so it also means less waste (and clean-up expenses)
Large guest counts and elaborate setups in traditional weddings often lead to significant waste; think single-use decorations, half-eaten plates of food, and trash piling up throughout the day.
And after the couple leaves? Someone has to deal with the aftermath, whether it’s hiring a cleaning service or asking loved ones to stay behind and tidy up.
Extra waste, extra work, extra expense, not exactly the best wedding send-off.
That’s why some couples choose to elope with sustainability in mind. They either skip décor altogether (because when eloping in nature, who needs decorations?) or opt for eco-friendly choices that can be reused or passed along. And with fewer or no guests, there’s hardly any cleanup.
They truly see this as a win for the planet, and their budget!
Eloping is just the beginning of a honeymoon and a great start to an adventure.
If a couple plans a full wedding day plus a honeymoon abroad, they could easily spend $40K or more. That’s a sum that takes time to save if they want to avoid debt.
But what many don’t realize is that they could elope, take an incredible trip, and still save around half of that! Couples who elope often use it as an opportunity to travel somewhere meaningful or brand new.
An option to consider is to handle the legal paperwork at home first, then have a symbolic ceremony in a dream destination, whether it’s a scenic spot in Malibu or an epic backdrop in Iceland.
It’s the best of both worlds: an unforgettable wedding experience that flows right into their honeymoon, all while saving a significant amount of money.
Forget Willy Wonka because eloping is the real golden ticket!
I Want to Elope, My Partner Isn’t Too Sure
It’s safe to assume you’ve already talked about the possibility of eloping with your partner.
You’ve probably shared ideas about what your ideal wedding day looks like, and hopefully, they’ve done the same. Maybe you’ve discussed what feels meaningful, what you’d love to include, and what doesn’t feel necessary.
But sometimes, couples reach a standstill here. Through conversations you’ve now realized that they really want the big wedding, while you really don’t. It comes down to this: If you elope, they might not feel happy. If you don’t elope, you might not feel happy.
If that sounds familiar, a few more honest conversations might help.
Try breaking things down into a simple pros and cons list for both a traditional wedding and an elopement. Seeing the big picture side by side can help you both visualize what truly matters to each of you.
And if you're still not on the same page, consider these questions:
If you elope, how can you make sure your day still feels like a celebration if your partner wants a big party?
If you go with a traditional wedding, can you carve out private, intimate moments just for the two of you?
Could a hybrid approach work—eloping first, then hosting a big celebration later?
Will you regret choosing something that only makes your partner happy?
At the end of the day, choosing to elope or coming up with a compromise as about open communication, understanding each other’s priorities, and finding a way to celebrate that feels true to both of you.
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Hey, I’m Sara!
I’m a California elopement photographer based in the Central Valley.
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